Tag Archives: fear

Why fake it when you are Authentically ‘it’?

pie-chart - fake it till you become itThis month’s poll showed an exact divide of 50/50 in the opinions of people as to whether this phenomenon is actually possible. I agree with both sides, yes and no. If you are in awareness of who you Authentically are, then there is no need to fake it because that is who you are at your core.

Before you even begin to answer the question “Can you fake it till you become it?” you need to know what you are trying to fake. This means a journey within to the unconscious mind to find out what aspects of yourself you feel aren’t good enough so would have to fake them in the first place.

No, don’t be ridiculous, of course you can’t fake it till you make it

If you lack authenticity, everything is a lie and you don’t have the right things for the right people in your life.” Anonymous participant of this month’s poll

The law of attraction will say that whatever you pay attention to you attract. That which you think you draw into your reality. What most people forget is that, yes you do attract that which you think, but you also attract the unconscious intention and vibration of your thoughts. If you think one thing, but feel the opposite, you will attract that which you are feeling in the deeper levels of your soul. No matter how much faking you do you will not become it until you truly believe and feel that which you want.

Yes, any one can!

fake it till you become itAmy Cuddy did a fantastic TED talk where she talks about how if you practice something for long enough you will eventually become it. If you ‘pretend’ enough through the use of body language those around you will start to interact with you differently and believe you ‘are that which you want to be’ even if you yourself don’t.

I believe this can be a powerful way of becoming that which you want. Even if you don’t believe your initial thought in the beginning you are still thinking this thought.

If we take a step back to the moment when you first thought a limiting belief about yourself, I believe that at this stage a small trace was formed within your neural network around this thought (Trace Decay Theory, Hebb, 1949). Each time you engaged in that thinking from that moment on, the trace become thicker and stronger. This is why much later on in your life you simply just react to situations and people from these limiting beliefs because they have become programmed on a neural level. If you start to ‘fake’ it, even before you think it, you are consciously choosing to think a new thought. You are now creating a new neural pathway and no longer thinking the thoughts that once limited you. The limiting belief system neurons are weakened and the new neurons start to become those that you react from.

“Who we are is not our belief systems. Who we are is that original being who was born free of any limiting thoughts.”

Both Sidra Jafri and Louise Hay talk about affirmations on a regular bases. Sidra believes that you can reprogramme a new thought by simply writing down the affirmation you are wanting to draw into your reality 21 times each day for 21 days. Louise Hay encourages us to look into the Mirror – look into our eyes each morning – and not only say the words of the affirmation but feel them on a deeper level.

What sets your heart on fire?Who we are is not our belief systems. Our belief systems are only conditioned thoughts that we have taken on through imitation and observation of the society we were brought up in. These thoughts are not the truth of who we are. Who we are is that original being who was born free of any limiting thoughts. We are that original being who was birthed into this world with the awareness that they are good enough. They are, at the core of who they are, pure love.

My encouragement to you is this:  What would you like to become? Do some awareness exercises (contact me if you need support on this) to uncover the belief systems that you hold that make you feel not good enough, observe them as they come up, then change these belief systems to those that are in alignment with your Authentic Self.


Is it possible to combine Spirituality and Psychology?

Woman practicing yoga on pier
Woman practicing yoga on pier

This month’s article was inspired by the thoughts of Dr. Itai Ivtzan, a positive psychologist, in a recent Huffington Post article. Why was I inspired by this concept?

I remember teaching Psychology a few years ago and there was one model called ‘Parapsychology’. I absolutely loved it! The idea of Pseudo psychology fascinated me. It led to the most interesting class discussions as many of the concepts were quite difficult for some students to wrap their heads around, understandably so. What is a pseudo-science? It is a discipline that cannot be falsified (as well as many more specifications that I won’t go into now). One of the participants who completed this month’s poll left this quote, “Hidden or not, God is present” by Erasmus (popularized by Carl Jung). Using this idea, even if we can’t prove certain Spiritual concepts don’t they still exist?

spirituality vs psychologySubjective or not, 100% of the people who completed this month’s poll all said it was possible to combine the two. This is why I believe you can!

Who we are is not just one entity. We are made up of numerous ‘parts’ that continuously dance and flow amongst one another. One of these many parts I call the ego. The ego (the lower mind/the mind) is part of who we are. It is made up of all the belief systems that society has conditioned you to believe over your life span. These belief systems have been thought for so long that they have formed neurological traces within the synapses of your neural network. This is important to understand because a great deal of who we are is an unconscious, reaction to situations. When we are seeing or processing life through the ego we see the world through these reinforced views. This is the part of us that gravitates to Psychology. Psychology has done a wonderful job at helping us ‘understand’ how the mind works. An example is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which helps us understand how our thoughts create our behaviour. Personally, I take this idea one step further by saying your ‘conditioned’ thoughts create your behaviour.

People often hear me echo the words of Louise Hay, “It is only a thought and a thought can be changed”. Dr. Itai Ivtzan says that awareness is freedom. What an amazing idea. I share with my clients and workshop participants that awareness is always the first step. When you are aware of what your thoughts are, then you can change them.

just_married-wallpaper-1366x768Let’s go one step further still. A Course in Miracles and Louise Hay agree when they say, there are only two main emotions, love and fear. On an unconscious level every one of us has two original source thoughts for all our reactions. They are either, “I am good enough” or “I am not good enough”. These initial source thoughts, I believe, arise when we are really young. Someone says something to you or does something to you and you think, “Ah, they must have said that because who I am isn’t good enough” (as a very basic example). This then becomes your source thought. These source thoughts then lead to unconscious belief systems about yourself e.g. I am not creative enough, I am not intelligent enough, I am not heard etc. No matter what the limiting belief system is it stems from an original source thought created when you were young. This belief system then is reflected in your everyday life from then on as your many daily thoughts. All those thoughts you think every day, you are not even aware of, are affecting you. These thoughts then become emotions.

An example:

Original Source thought – I’m not good enough

belief system – I am not appreciated, I get taken advantage of

daily thought – ‘Obviously I get asked to get the coffee because they think that is the only thing I’m good at’ ‘Why can’t I produce work that is as good as my colleagues’

emotion – Fear ‘Scared of being fired, laughed at, looked down on’

i_love_you_with_all_my_heart-wallpaper-1366x768What about the realm of Spirituality? Yes, we are human and part of being human is that we have an ego. However, I believe we are a spiritual being having a human experience and not a human being have a spiritual experience. Which means that at the core of who we are we are Spirit (heart/ soul/ intuition/ Authentic Self). Your Spirit/ Authentic Self knows that who you are ‘Is good enough’. When you use this as your original source thought, the world before you is reflected very differently. Using Holistic therapy techniques helps people identify who they really are and teaches them how to start to move away from their ego and move more towards their heart.

Why has mindfulness become increasingly popular of late? Well, what it does is move you out of your head and more into your body. This is another aspect of who we are, our body. The body is used to communicate with us what thoughts we are having that are out of alignment with our truth. Once we feel a feeling (based on our original source thought), the more we feel the feeling and think the thought the more the energy of that thought starts to effect the body. Let’s look at ulcers.

Original Source thought – I’m not good enough

belief system – A strong deep fear that you are not good enough

thought – nothing is going well, I do not love myself, I do not approve of what I do, nothing is going right

emotion – Fear … the consequence of staying in this cycle is that your stomach constantly stays in a state of anxiety and starts to ‘eat away at you’ (Louise Hay)

Rev. Robert Meagher recently, after posting the quote below, asked the question, “How important is knowing yourself in spiritual pursuits and practice?”

 “Stopping or being present or practicing awareness may be considered the goal of spiritual practice; like relaxation, a desirable state. But for some the goal is more expansive and presence may be considered merely a necessary preparation. You must know yourself well enough to understand your capacity and your nature. So you can say I am a bear or a cat, a tulip or a daffodil, I am a leader or a helper. Knowing your character is vital to spiritual pursuits and practice. You understand the disguise of your nobody-ness.” (p. 171 of Dharma Sky)

After being involved with the ‘mind of Psychology’ for over 15 years, I started to listen more to my heart. I started to make decisions from my spirit rather than my mind. I opened up my Holistic Psychotherapy practice because I believed that Psychology and Spirituality can work hand in hand.

i_love_you_3-wallpaper-1366x768In my practice I follow the following four steps to healing:

Step one is awareness: Psychological and Spiritual tools are very beneficial in helping one become aware of who they are (on a soul and an ego level) and why they think the way they think.

Step two is acceptance: An essential part of the healing process is love of self. Seeing who you are as an amazing person doing the best that they can. We are human after all. I encourage my clients to always go as slow as the slowest part of them feels comfortable with.

Step three is release: Once you understand your ego and that it has an original source thought of you not being good enough, and you understand that who you are is an incredible person who is ‘perfect, whole and complete’ just the way you are, you can start choosing what you would like to let go of.

Step four is reprogramming: Having let go of the mind you are left with a blank canvas. The white canvas of the heart which knows that the only real emotion is love. Love for yourself. The original source thought of ‘you are good enough’!

Share your story with me 🙂


  1. The Huffington Post. (2015). Uniting Psychology and Spirituality: Awareness Is Freedom. [online] Available at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tim-ward/uniting-psychology-and-spirituality-awareness-is-freedom_b_6981908.html [Accessed 31 May 2016].
  2. Hay, L. (1987). You can heal your life. Santa Monica, CA: Hay House.